I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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