Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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