I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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