If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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