so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
