'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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