the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
