dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
