i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize