I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
