i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
