Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
