I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
