I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
