I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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