I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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