about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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