My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize