I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
