its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
