The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
