my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
