friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
