this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
