ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize