I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
