11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
