Four minutes until I can fart!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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