I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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