I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
