You made me cry and you don't even care
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
