my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize