Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
