Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
