Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
