did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
pray to the hookup gods
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
