So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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