Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
