Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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