Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
