I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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