We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
