So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
