BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
