also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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