Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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