i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My vagina just clenched in fear
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