his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
