i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she smelled like a LAN party
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
