oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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