then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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