i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
