Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
