so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
