There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
