you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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