I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
