um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
