dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
