Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've blown a few things in my day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
