it wasn't lemon gatorade
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
