I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
